Control and Criticism
Understanding the Dynamics of Control: When Criticism Becomes a Tool for Power in Relationships Relationships are meant to be a source of mutual respect, support, and love. However, in some cases, one partner may resort to criticism and control as a way to gain a sense of power over their significant other. This pattern, though subtle at first, can erode the foundation of trust and connection, leaving both partners feeling disconnected and unhappy. The Need for Control: What’s Really Happening? When someone uses criticism to control their partner, it’s often a reflection of their own internal struggles. Deep down, they may feel insecure, anxious, or powerless in other areas of their life. To cope with these feelings, they attempt to gain control over the one thing they feel they can influence— their partner. By being overly critical, they create a dynamic where their partner feels uncertain, seeking approval or validation. This can give the critical partner a false sense of security, as they now feel in control of the relationship’s emotional climate. How Criticism Manifests as Control Criticism can take many forms in a relationship, from subtle remarks to outright verbal attacks. Here are a few common ways it shows up: Why Control Feels Necessary for Some People who rely on controlling behavior often do so because they feel out of control in other areas of their life. Whether it’s stress from work, unresolved childhood trauma, or feelings of inadequacy, the need to dominate their partner stems from an attempt to regain control over their own emotions. For these individuals, controlling their partner becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with their own insecurities. By pointing out their partner’s “flaws,” they deflect attention away from their own vulnerabilities and feel a fleeting sense of power. The Impact on the Controlled Partner Being on the receiving end of constant criticism can be incredibly damaging. Over time, the criticized partner may start to doubt themselves, feel inadequate, and withdraw emotionally. The relationship becomes unbalanced, where one partner is always trying to “measure up,” and the other holds the power. Some common effects on the controlled partner include: Breaking the Cycle of Control While the need for control and criticism may stem from insecurity, it’s important to recognize that this behavior is unhealthy and unsustainable in a relationship. For those who criticize as a means of control, the first step is acknowledging the underlying issues that drive this behavior. Here are some steps to help break the cycle: Building a Healthier Relationship A healthy relationship is one where both partners feel respected, supported, and valued for who they are. It’s about uplifting each other, not tearing each other down. By breaking the habit of criticism and control, both partners can experience greater emotional intimacy and build a foundation of trust. For the partner who feels controlled, it’s crucial to establish boundaries and communicate openly about how the criticism affects them. They should feel empowered to express their needs and stand up for themselves in the relationship. Both partners should work together to foster mutual respect, communicate effectively, and seek solutions instead of falling into harmful patterns of control. Criticism as a means of control is a reflection of deeper emotional struggles, but it’s never too late to address these issues. By recognizing the patterns, building self-awareness, and seeking support, couples can transform their relationships into spaces of mutual respect, love, and equality. True power comes not from controlling others but from mastering one’s own insecurities and fostering a healthy, balanced relationship.
Peace
To lose peace implies that you once knew its embrace—a concept I find myself grappling with. How can one lose something as elusive as peace when turmoil has been the constant rhythm of their life? How could I allow myself to discover peace, only to see it slip away again? One truth I hold onto is the existence of energy vampires—those who drain your spirit—and the consuming force of negativity, a demonic plague that devours everything in its path. Today, I begin to write a tale: Silent SHE. It’s a journey through the vast valleys of being a woman in any era. Choose one, and it comes with its struggles. All of humanity bears its burdens, yes, but to be spiritually designed as women are, and to endure what we must, is a contradiction in itself. What is peace? How can I find it—and, more importantly, how can I hold onto it? This book will be raw and unfiltered—a timeline of emotions laid bare. It will chart the pathways of healing and the methods for facing and overcoming life’s valleys. Silent SHE is a reflective journal of struggle and resilience, woven with the peaks and troughs of existence.